Tuesday, March 29, 2016


Nobody saw John and Georgia for a long time. They had all been in the city together for thirty years before age had  wrecked most of them. When Georgia died Randy got the news while ordering a Big Mac in a drive thru. He probably hadn't seen Georgia and John for over a year and now they were going to a funeral in the burbs. They didn't have kids and there had been rumors that something wasn't quite right with John.  Someone said he was a drunk.
Hey man thanks for coming.
Randy hugged John and remembered doing a loan for him five years before. They had sat in Johns immaculate house with their three cats and three litter boxes. Georgia was a clean freak and John was anal and the house looked not lived in at all.
How are you doing John?
Oh you know man. Day by day.
Johns face was bright red and Randy couldn't help but wondering if he was back on the sauce. At parties Georgia and Johnnever stayed long. Georgia got drunk fast and John would always say yeah man Georgia has had enough .They were both heavy smokers.
After the funeral they got together a few weeks later at a pizzeria. There were fifty big screens blasting out sports. John was there with a very old woman. The rap was she had been taking care of John. His face was even more red.
Randy here is like Ernest Hemingway, a writer.
The woman Betty smiled and had no idea what John had said. They left early when John was too drunk to stand and six months later John married Betty.


Monday, March 14, 2016

The Obnoxious Woman

My kids are all teasing me that I'm going to be fifty.
Oh really.
Aren't you like fifty six?
Oh yes. Terrible isn't it.
Well yeah.You are getting old. That's why I'm using this new cream on my face.
You notice it is red.
Well yes
Well it says it takes off the top layer.
You do look younger.
I know. I look young for my age. Everyone says I look forty.
You do.
I know.  John is losing his hair and I tell him hey buddy maybe its time to stop the comb over.
Ha ha.
Your husband is bald isn't he?
Well..no. his hair is receding
Hes bald. That's what John said and I said John your hair isn't receding your bald.
Oh....well I guess--
I mean if we didn't have kids I guess we could be in spas and traveling.
Oh yeah my girlfriends all travel the world. Their husbands are brokers but no kids. They weren't stupid like you and me.
I like my kids.
Oh come on . Would we do it again knowing what we know now?
I think so--
No we wouldn't. Its like taxes. We should just tell the government  to fuck off. I mean I live on a lake and five acres but its in the middle of nowhere.
But you know what, life sucks then you die.
Hey its been great. Gotta get to Sams Club. They are having a special on Spam Surprise.