Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Talking in Class

Jerry had enough. He didn't care if the students followed along with the reading but it really irritates him that they talked during the reading. He was an adjunct and didn't feel like he should be babysitting and usually he would let it go but they just kept talking. Fuck it.
The two students looked up. The guy never brought his book and mostly just stared at the floor or talked to the girl who kept her phone on and surfed. It was early and Monday and just then Jerry didn't give a shit anymore.
You two want to shut the fuck up.
They looked up at him shocked. They were freshman at an upscale private college.
I don't give a fuck if you don't do the reading or surf during class. But I do care if you talk. If you want to keep talking then get the fuck out of my class otherwise shut the fuck up.
The entire class was silent and staring. A Street Car Named Desire had taken a back seat to real drama. The girl had turned red and the boy was now staring down at the floor with his BULLS hat pulled low. Jerry turned back to the girl who had been reading.
Please continue.
The class ended ten minutes later and the boy and girl ran out of the class. Later that day he received an email from the chairman.
Please seem me regarding a formal complaint.
The next day Jerry walked into the Dans office. They had only talked once when he was hired and like most adjunct jobs he never saw the chairman again.
Have a seat Jerry.
Dan picked up a piece of paper.
I have a formal complaint lodged by two students of yours. They said you swore at them in class.
Well...yes. They had been talking in class.
Dan leaned back. There had been an open position and Dan never mentioned it. A permanent one and Jerry felt Dan had not even considered him.
You can't swear at students Jerry.
Dan paused.
You will have to apologize to the two students.
Or we will have to make a change.
Jerry stared at the chairman
You're going to fire me?
I would have no choice.
The job only paid twenty four hundred bucks. It wasn't enough.
You know what Dan--
She's my daughter.
Jerry apologized to the two students in the hallway the next day. They dropped the class the next week and said Jerry was a REAL PRICK on


Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Portion Control

Yeah I don't know what I'm going to do they are upping the prices on flour and sauce and everything.
John looked at AL of AL's Pizzeria. He had stopped to chat after he picked up his pizza. It was a good stress reliever standing in the pizzeria after a long day shooting the shit with a guy in an apron.
Well I'm sure people will still come if you keep the quality up.
Maybe...but I might have to raise prices.
John went to his car and drove home . A week later he called to order a pizza and a snippy woman on the phone answered.
Yes. Id like no cheese on the pizza.
No cheese...whadaya mean?
My wife and I don't like cheese on the pizza but we would like extra sauce
That will cost you extra.
Well...I'm not having cheese....cant you swap one for another.
No. I cant. And the veggies are going to cost you extra too.
Ok fine.
John put his order in and then thirty minutes later he picked up his pizza. The owner AL wasn't there. The dark haired woman from the phone gave him his pizza.
That will be twenty eight dollars.
Yeah. We had to increase our prices she said taking his credit car.
John drove home and brought the pizza inside. He opened the box and stared.
What the fuck!
His wife came up and stared.
What did they do?
The pizza was thin like a cracker with barely any sauce and a few veggies.
I know what he did. He cranked up his prices and cut back on his ingredients.
John dialed up the pizzeria. The woman answered.
Yes. I just picked up my pizza and it looks horrible. It is thin with very little sauce and practically no veggies.
Yeah so. We always put the same amount on.
But this is terrible and you increased the price...I want to talk to AL.
The phone went dead.
May I help you.
Yeah Al. It's John. We just got our pizza and its razor thin with nothing on it and you charged me more.
Yeah. I told you I was getting screwed by my suppliers.
But you are screwing your customers John cried out.
Hey. Its portion controlled. And you know I always take time out and talk to you when you come in when I could be doing my work. So just look at it like you are paying for my time.
What! Are you crazy! I was just shooting the shit with you!
Yeah. Well shoot it somewhere else then.
The phone went dead. John hung it up slowly. He looked at the pizza.
What did he say?
He said it was portion controlled. He paused and looked at his wife.
You know. I'm going to really miss talking to AL
She stared at him.


Wednesday, April 1, 2015


Clive saw himself as an independent but it drove him crazy when authors would stop in the store.
Like this guy.
Yes...I just wanted to drop off my latest novel.
Clive was swamped. He had to get the new books out of the boxes and onto the shelves and he really wanted a cigarette out back before lunch.
Uh...fine. You can give it to us on consignment...let me get you that form.
The man who was a good twenty five years older than Clive frowned.
Wait a minute. I'm not some self published newbie.
Clive breathed loudly and pushed up his Ray Bans.
Look...we get people in here all day long saying they are not self published and dropping off their books and you know what, they are. Otherwise I would be unpacking their books from those boxes marked Random House.
The man turned red.
Why you snot nosed fucker.
Ok that's it. I appreciate it if you leave now Clive barked pointing to the door.
The man glared at him.
I got more for one fucking book than you make in a whole year.
Sure you did and I'm Barack Obama... now get the fuck out of here before I call the cops.
The man flipped him off.
Eat shit
Then he left. Clive watched him go out . He really really hated indies. They drove him crazy. He saw the book as Gerald his manger walked out.
I heard some yelling.
Yeah another loser wantabe author dropping off his book. And this one got hostile. He must have been about a hundred.
Gerald picked up the book and raised his eyebrows.
Shit. E.L. Leonard...this is the book he dropped off?
Clive blinked
Yeah I guess.
Gerald who was about forty stared at him.
He won the fucking National Book Award like ten years ago. I think he hit the list a few times and had a boatload of books coming out at one time.
Oh...then I guess he wasn't lying Clive murmured, shrugging.
Gerald shook  his head.
I wondered what had happened to him.
Clive flipped his hair up.
Obviously nothing...can you cover while I get a smoke?
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