Saturday, May 10, 2014

Firing Old Joe

I just have one problem.
What's that?
I got to fire this retired guy old  Joe.
John bit into his burger.
Ah...he's been there forever. He does the payroll checks. It's like he's the company mascot or something but he bills out at like 25 an hour.
And I ran the numbers and he's like taking away fifty k for a few hours a week work.
And you are the guy they brought into cut costs.
Something like that.
John put his burger down and looked at Rick.
So what are you going to do?
Fire him.
Probably next week. I'll have security standing by to escort him out. how do you do that?
I just say we have to make a change.
That's it.
Pretty much. I already notified HR. You just got to watch their hands.
What do you mean?
People can get violent.
No shit.
Oh yeah. So that's why I have security standing by. This is probably the only income this guy has. He might freak.
Old Joe doesn't suspect a thing then.
Wow...poor old Joe.
Yeah...its not a big deal You just got to watch their hands...and their mouth.
Their mouth?
Yeah. Sometimes people puke when you can them.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Life Coach

He worked for the New York Times and never went to the story. He stayed home and scoured the internet and pieced the stories together and nobody knew. Sometimes he watched television on events he was supposed to cover. He did a lot of blow and was like Barack Obama and everyone knew he was going to be big one day.
And then one day someone read his story and saw it was the same as USA Today.
What do you have to say for yourself Clarence?
Not much.
The old Editor stared at him. He had never had a reporter fabricate stories before.
I am going to have to let you go.
So he went home and did a lot more blow and stayed drunk. Then he went into rehab while the world went crazy. They found all his stories were bogus. Eventually he got a book deal and went on the tour. It was a good advance. They fired two editors who really loved their jobs. Then Clarnence gave some Commencent Addresses. He talked about lessons learned. One of the old editors died of cancer. A year later Clarence was a Life Coach with two hundred clients.