Friday, January 31, 2014

Facebook Love

We separated.
Wow that was quick
Julie held up her hands in the bar.
I don't get it. I had been facebooking with a guy I dated in high school and Jim said I was being  unfaithful.
Kevin stared at her.
Were you sexting?
No...we just talked about old times and I met him for lunch. It wasn't like we did anything.
And he left you over that?
Julie pulled back her blond hair. She was pretty in a busty way and had very blue eyes.
I don't even know what to tell the kids. What we are getting divorced because I facebooked an old boyfriend?
Yeah that is weird Kevin said ordering another beer and wine for Julie.
We just had lunch! Jim says because I talked about sex with him I was unfaithful..
But you never did anything?
Honest to God. We are just friends, Julie said crossing her boobs.
Kevin gave Julie a ride home from the bar that night. He ended up with an STD and heard from Jeff a friend of his he got the same thing.
The Pitcher


Wednesday, January 29, 2014

The Good Mommy

You have got to be kidding!
Jim stared at his wife.
Because that is fucking weird. She left her husband twice?
Sandy continued packing for the Brownie campout.
Now let me get this straight. What you are saying is she left her husband went off and got pregnant then came back with the other guys kid and her husband took her back?
Sandy shrugged.
Of course he did.
Jim rubbed his face.
And then you said she did it again?
Uh huh.
She went off and screwed around again and got pregnant again and had the baby and came back and he took her back...again?"
Sandy laid out her daughter's Brownie sash.
Oh that  is so pathetic! Doesn't this guy have any backbone? He would take her back twice after she went out and whored around and had other guys kids and now he is raising them?
His wife shrugged.
Maybe he loves her.
Loves her! What about respect? I mean how can you even be with someone like that? What about diseases? What's to keep her from doing it again? And the kids all look they even know?
No. They haven't told them.
Jim snorted.
Oh come on! We are supposed to act like none of that happened now that she's decided to hide out in middleclass land with all the other mommies? How can you accept that?
Sandy closed the suitcase and looked at her husband.
She's a good mommy.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Artists and Fathers

He was supposed to do the book club but the date got screwed up.
Sorry son. Its not until tomorrow night.
That's fine we can get some quality time then Randy said putting his bag in the car.
They spent the next two days in the small lake town of his father. They went to his club and sat naked in a sauna together with the other retirees.
Maybe you should take a job.
I have a job dad.
I mean one that pays.
They both perspired in silence then. This was an old conversation. Randy looked at his watch and began counting the hours to the book club. They stopped for gas and his father spilled five gallons on the cement. Then they went into oncoming traffic.
Shit dad!
Can't see a fucking thing his father grumbled.
How about we go to Panera for a salad dad?
I want a hot dog.
Ok Randy said looking out the window.
When they went home his father fell asleep while Randy worked on a book in his bed. He used to do this when he was a kid with the door locked so his father wouldn't ask him if he was working on that Goddamn book.
He dressed and woke his father.
You sure you don't want to go dad?
No.'s  your thing.
At the book club Randy was a star to the twelve women. He signed books and then walked back to his fathers house with the snow coming down. He took the train back to Chicago and they didn't talk for a couple weeks. It was like that.

Shoveling Snow

The snow blower wouldn't start. It didn't matter. He always shoveled when he was a kid. He loved snow. Loved the way it made him feel. So he charged out to shovel snow like he was a kid. When he finished he felt good. He woke up and couldn't move the next morning. Every time he did he screamed out from the pain. The doctor gave him narcotics and muscle relaxers and Naproxen. He took the drugs and slept all the time and felt like he was on a different planet.

When he slept he woke up with night sweats. His wife found him on the floor of the bathroom with a blood pressure gauge. His heart was going a million miles a minute and he thought he might die. The snow piled up and he couldn't take out the garbage. He couldn't lift anything and stayed in bed all day. His boss called several times and he felt terrible. But he didn't really care about anything on the drugs.

Then he went back to the doctor who said he had a hernia. He would have to go to a surgeon. The surgeon operated and he went back to bed. He lost his job. It took six months before he could bend over and touch his toes again. When it snowed the next winter he bought a new snow blower and never thought like a kid again.


Thursday, January 16, 2014

The Pitch

He finally got the editor to lunch. This was it. He was going to pitch his book.
Thanks for coming.
No problem. I know a good sushi restaurant.
They went downstairs and talked books.
Toby pitched him on his book and the editor listened intently.
Well it sounds brilliant.
Toby felt himself well up.
I think it will really sell.
And you already wrote this?
Have it right here in my backpack.
Well you have to give it to me.
He had been courting the editor for a year. He had carefully maneuvered he lunch through a mutual friend. He then remembered to ask the editor about his own life. He  listened with a polite smile and realized how well everything was going. He reached for the wasabi and knocked his ice tea over. The tea rivered across the table into the editors lap.
Jesus Christ the editor said jumping up. His grey pressed pants were dark. It looked like he had pissed down his leg.
Shit! And I have a meeting today he muttered.
Toby and the Japanese woman handed him napkins and towels but the editor shook his head.
I'll have to get back to the office and change.
The editor went out the door and left Toby to pick up the check.  He went home with his manuscript. They never spoke again.