Monday, March 4, 2013

I phone Sex

Brittany  and Jim had not had sex for months. The kids. The job. The food. The kids. The job. The food. It went around in an endless circle and by the end they were exhausted and passed out in front of  Downton Abbey or the The Good Wife. Or...it didn't really matter what show they were passed out front of because they didn't see it. So they set a night to meet in the bedroom and they lay in the bed with the movie on and the candle flickering.
Why don't you turn off your phone Jim said.
I can't one of the kids might need something.
Bzzzz.
Brittany snatched it up and put on her glasses. She laughed.
What?
It's just Diane.
Oh..
Jim laid in the bed in his skivvies. He really wanted to have sex but he was worried about the job. They had just put him on a PIP (performance improvement program) and he wondered if they might fire him. His phone dinged.
Yeah Frank.
We are having trouble with that file.
Does Henry know?
Yeah. They have complained to him.
Alright...let me see what I can do in the morning.
He put the phone on the bedside table. Brittany was staring at him. The candle flickered. Their wine waited.
Ok... Jim said.
They stared at each other. Bzzzz. Brittany reached over in her negligee.
It's Janey...she needs to be picked up in an hour
That's cool. That gives us time.
Brittany texted back.
She put the phone down and they stared at each other. Nobody felt sexy. 
How about we just send naked photos to each other? Jim suggested.
 Brittany stared at him with the phone in her glasses.
Are you serious?
Yeah. Why not? Look. I'm busy. You're busy. This whole meeting in the bed thing isn't practical and frankly its kind of a waste of time. I say lets e-commerce it and get rid of this brick and mortar shit. I'll send you a provocative naked photo of myself and you send me one of yourself and then we just get ourselves off. We can even take after sex photos of us relaxing...you know smoking a cigarette or something.
Brittany shrugged.
Sounds good to me. It will save a lot of time.
You bet.
So the next day they each sent their photos and when Jim came home from the office they kissed.
How was it?
Great Brittany purred.
How about you?
Outstanding!  Best sex I ever had.
They stared at each other.
You hungry? Brittany asked.
You know I always work up an appetite after sex.
I'll order a pizza.
Rocket Man...the Catcher in the Rye for the Great Recession
www.billhazelgrove.com

 

No comments:

Post a Comment