Sunday, March 31, 2013

New Kid

Now there goes a real faggot!
John turned and saw the blond haired boy laughing against the wall. He was surrounded by others who grinned at him. John dropped his bagged lunch on the lunchroom floor and grabbed the boy by his shirt and pinned him against the wall.
What'd you say?
The boys feet were off the floor.
Hey there! Hey let go!
John was bigger and could easily have thrown him down.
Let go! Let go he yelled turning red, struggling against Johns grip.
John let him go and the blond boy regained his composure.
You better not try that again. Pick up your lunch and get out of here!
John hesitated then grabbed his sack lunch and walked on. He ate by himself in the lunchroom the way he always did since he moved from Baltimore .
Mark Eddington sat down next to him
Hey... do you know who that was you pinned against the wall?
No he shrugged.
That was Randy Calley! The captain of the football team!
John shrugged again.
You better be careful dude.
Mark left and John finished his sandwich. He was a little afraid but there was nothing he could do now. The week passed and he found himself in the far wing between classes. He was walking down the hall when Randy Calley turned the corner.
They stared at each other then Randy nodded.
How's it going?
Good John answered, feeling his heart.
He walked on and for the first time felt like he might make it in Chicago.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Perfect ACT

I got a perfect ACT. Yeah. Not one wrong. People made a big deal about it but all my life things have come to me easy. I never studied in high school. Got all As. Even my dad said I was brilliant and he's a big time scholar at the University of Chicago. My mom too. She said I had a brilliant mind and she's a big time professor too. And so I went to Yale.
 Blew everyone away for the first four years. Then blew them away in Grad school. Published all sorts of papers in economics. You'd think I was the President or something the way people treated me. So I went to do my doctorate and submitted  my dissertation for review. And like they didn't like it. They said it was all wrong. Said my thesis was wrong. I didn't know what to do really. I stayed in my room for like a month. Because I didn't know what was wrong
So then my parents came after the second month. I had a beard by now. They took me home while I tired to figure out this thesis thing. I played X box for two years trying to figure it out in my room. My mom took me to every psych she could find. Nobody could figure out what was wrong with my thesis or what to do. Yale said I couldn't come back. They said I blew it and there were no second chances.
 Mom got me a job at a not for profit in Oregon. We are trying to make fuel out of cow dung. They don't pay or anything but there is like no pressure. It takes a while to figure out how to make fuel out of shit. And I'm still trying to figure out the thesis thing anyway.

Friday, March 29, 2013

A Good Man

Tyler came out of the building into the drear of  winter after dropping off resumes.
His feet hurt and he had just enough money for a cup of coffee. He had been unemployed for two years. He flipped up his coat and  saw the Chicago newspaper. They were his age. They had sold an app for a billion dollars! Tyler  stooped to the paper box and read about the two twenty somethings who sold their Instagram app to Facebook. A billion dollars! And he couldn't get a fucking job.
He stood up and hunched against the wind cutting down Michigan Avenue. His eyes watered. He turned and saw the lady fall. She collapsed on the sidewalk and went into convulsions. Tyler ran over and grabbed her arms.
Lady! Lady! Are you alright he shouted
She was small and Asian. Her  eyes rolled back. Her teeth clenched. He pulled out his wallet and jammed it into her mouth. Then he took off his overcoat and put it over her.
You're going to be alright lady...alright he said holding her.
He heard someone next to him dialing 911. He kept the coat on her until the paramedics pulled him off and went to work. They put her on a stretcher and wheeled her away. One of them held up his coat and wallet.
These yours buddy?
Yeah. I thought she might swallow her tongue so I put the wallet in her mouth.
The paramedic handed him his coat and wallet.
Good man he said clapping him on the shoulder.

Toilet Sex

Derek you didn't give me a New Years kiss yet.
He stood up from the ice machine in the motel hallway. Julie's New Year hat was crooked, her blue eyes gleaming.
Where's Melissa and Joe?
Passed out in the room she said moving closer.
And then she kissed him and tongued him. They came apart at the sound down the hall.
Where do you want to go she whispered pushing up against Derek.
My car he answered.
They ran into the motel parking lot and found his car locked. They ran back through the snow into the lobby. Derek saw the MENs room and grabbed Julies hand.
Where are we going?
Into a stall he called back pulling her into a stall after making sure the MENs room was empty.
Julie whipped down her sweats and sat on the toilet. They started and the toilet water sounded like rain. When Derek came he hit the flush. They went back to the room and climbed into bed with their steadies. They had toilet sex three more times after that. Sometimes in the MENS room and sometimes in the LADIES room.
Years after Derek  moved to the suburbs he heard Julie had hung herself from a closet rod in Chicago.
Rocket Man...the American dream upside down

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Alice Cooper

Dude that's Alice Cooper Gary whispered.
I know.
They stood in the elevator with the little man holding his groceries. Devin had gotten used to celebs in his parents apartment building. Pitchers. Actors. Rockers. that really him?
Devin shrugged as they ascended in the elevator.
Yeah. I've seen him around a couple times he whispered back.
Gary stared at the little man with longish hair. He was staring at the control panel.
Schools out forever Gary hummed
Alice kept staring straight ahead
Devin had seen him in the grocery store once before by the vegetables. They had all rocked to his anthems. Eighteen. Schools Out. Snakes. Goth makeup. Blood. Now the little man in the elevator who was trying to ignore Gary.
Cause Im eighteen...Gary hummed.
The elevator opened and Alice Cooper left with his groceries.
Gary stared after him.
Dude! Alice Cooper!
Devin hit the close button.
Rocket Man...American dream upside down

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Last Elevator Operator

Jimmy was the last elevator operator.
All the others had been replaced by automated elevators. He was from the South Side and had done well for himself. He married Marie from the Jewelry Exchange on the twenty fifth floor. She was very Italian and a beauty. He ran the elevators of the building and wore a sport coat. He had come very far from his dad the cop.
His favorite thing was to override the elevator for people. He did it with a steel rod that inserted into the door and allowed him to keep the doors open. He did this for the Governor when he came to the building. The Jewelry building was on State Street in Chicago and known for the best diamonds. He also did it for Joan Lunden who was a television personality.
One day he opened the door for a woman on thirty fifth floor.
Are you going down man?
The very pretty woman shook her head.
No but thank you.
Jimmy pulled back the rod and nodded to the lady. He didn't hear the elevator release and stepped into the shaft and fell thirty five floors down to the bottom. The paramedics had to go down into the shaft to get his scattered body.
They automated all the elevators after that.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Greatest Generation

What are they doing?
How the hell should I know, Betty.
Well Jesus! I didn't know people could do things like that!
Betty. People do it all sorts of ways now.
But on television! They put this on television!
Well its your favorite show.
But how could they do it that way? They're all on top of each other!
I guess that's how they do it now.
But three people?
It's your show.
Wait a that a Jap?
How the hell should I know.
That's a Goddamn Jap Frank!
Yeah,,, I guess it is.
Turn that off right now! Turn it off!
Ok's off.
I'm not going to watch some Goddamn Jap having sex after what they did to us.
Yeah... I wouldn't think they put that on television.
Rocket Man...the American Dream upside down


Where is she?
I thought she was with you!
Kevin jumped up and ran down to the surf and looked both ways on the Florida beach.
Nothing. The million people of spring break.
Go that way he shouted but Julie was already running down the beach. He took off the other way. She was gone. People streaming up and down the beach. Someone grabbed her. Someone grabbed his eight year old daughter. Murdered. Dismembered. Raped. He turned around. He had gone too far. She could not have gone this far. People. People. People.
Did you see her Julie screamed, crying.
No he shouted.
They passed and now he was running the other way. How far. She was gone. This was the day his life changed forever. Nothing would ever be the same. Death. Death was preferable. There were so many fucking people. She was gone. Grabbed. Snatched. Call the cops. 911. He stopped and turned back and ran to where they had been.
Where is she Julie screamed hysterically.
Kevin shook his head.
She's fucking gone! He shouted
Gone. Gone. Gone.
Kevin stared at the ocean. Unbelieving.
He turned.
And there she was walking toward him. Crying. He ran like a crazy man and picked her up.
I was lost daddy! I was lost!
I know I know he said, holding her tight, sinking to his knees in the sand.
Julie fell over both of them.
Oh God...Oh God...she whimpered.


Monday, March 25, 2013


Toby heard the dryer and turned over in bed and stared at the breasts. His window was only a few feet away from the brownstone and every morning the blow dryer woke him up. She had moved in a month ago. The woman began to feel her breasts. She did this every morning in the bathroom while drying her hair. This fascinated  Toby. Somebody masturbating while getting ready for work.
  She finished and the lights flicked off. Toby turned back over in the early darkness and went back to sleep. He ran  into her a few times going into her building. She was a blond young professional always pecking her Iphone. She nodded at the writer next door who obviously had no where to go.
 And every morning they had sex. Toby watched her and fantasized. It wasn't a girlfriend but it was a communion. And every morning he watched the careful fingers massage, feel, finger, rub. His whole day was arranged around making sure he woke up to the blow dryer.
 And then it stopped. No blow dryer. No breasts. Toby wondered if she lost her job. And then she moved and a new tenant appeared. A guy. Toby watched him squeeze a zit one morning and pulled down his shade. He ran into the dude one day as he  came back from the bars.
Yo...what up.
He  shrugged
Nothing man.
Toby paused.
Hey...did you know the chick who was here before?
He was drunk and swayed.
No...but she busted her lease that's how I got this sweet crib he said.
Toby frowned.
Why'd she bust her lease?
He shrugged.
Dunno man....guess she had breast cancer or some shit.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

First Job

Frankie rang the doorbell with the pizza in his hand. He waited. He rang the doorbell again. It was his first job and he was running late.
Hang on someone called out from inside.
He waited and balanced the pizza. The door flew back and a large curly haired man in a robe appeared. He was very hairy and sweating.
Jesus! You really have bad timing!
The mans robe was barely closed and his chest glistened.
Sorry I'm late Frankie muttered.
Yeah...well like I said your timing wasn't so great the man said breathing hard.
He handed Frankie a twenty.
Keep it he said shutting the door.
Frankie drove back to the pizza parlor where Tony  from Chicago was making another pizza.
You get that one there?
Yeah...Frankie frowned. I think the guy was working out or something.
Tony frowned with flour on his cheeks.
 Whys that?
Frankie shrugged.
He was all sweaty and breathing hard in his robe.
Yeah...he said my timing was really bad. I mean I know I was late.
Tony stopped and stared at him. He laughed  loud.
Don't you know what he was doing?
Frankie stared at him.
Working out?
Working out! He was fucking stupid!
Tony laughed again.
You're funny boy...working out!
He flipped the pizza pie over and laughed again.
Funny man. You funny.
Frankie felt his face get hot.
He was still a virgin.

Rocket Man

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

City Life

He's doing it again.
No shit
John and George looked out the window.
He's smoking a cigarette.
How can he do that and smoke a cigarette?
It looks like he's Russian or something the way he's holding it.
George frowned.
That could be a function of what he's doing with his  other hand.
John laughed.
You have that bucket of pennies?
Yeah .
Get it.
George brought up the bucket and kneeled down by the window.
I cant believe he does it in front of his window.
Part of the thrill George murmured.
He winged back and threw a penny. They heard the ping on the window.
He's stopped!
They were both crouching by the window with the  light off now.
Do it again.
George threw there more pennies. Ping Ping Ping. 
Oh he's freaked now.
They watched the man crouch down and stare out the window.
They stared across the courtyard of the building.
You think he knows it's us John whispered.
I don't think he knows what to think.
They waited until he pulled down his shade and stood up.
Guess he wont do that again. John said.
Guess not.
The man was back the next night and the  night after that.
George and John moved back to the suburbs when their lease ended.
Rocket Man...the American Dream upside down

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Strangled by Mickey Mouse

Rick came out of his apartment really hung over from the night before.  He saw a lady being strangled.  She was in a car and the man had his hands around her neck and she was grimacing, trying to get his hands off her neck. Rick stared because the scene looked so much like a movie he saw the night before with the man shaking her back and forth.
 He dialed 911.
Yes there is a  man strangling some lady in car. I'm at 3900 Pine Grove he said going back toward his apartment building.
We will have a squad right there.
Rick kept his eye on the car. It was the middle of the day in Chicago and he had just woke up. The car with the lady and the man suddenly pulled away and roared down the street. A blue and white squad car turned the corner.
Rick stepped out in the street and flagged it down. The cop leaned out the window with blue Mickey Mouse sunglasses.
You call in about seeing some guy strangling a lady?
Yeah. I saw them. They just took off that way.
The cop nodded and roared off and screech around the corner. Rick stood in front of  his apartment building. His head throbbed from the shots of Absolute.  His own apartment had been broken into twice and someone had tried to steal his car and smashed his driver side window. The rents were low and good for a writer. 
The cop car came back around the corner.  Mickey Mouse leaned out.
I didn't see anything. You sure you saw some guy strangling the lady?
As sure as I am that you are wearing blue Mickey Mouse sunglasses.
 The cop stared at him
What are you talking about?

Rocket Man...the American Dream turned upside down


Monday, March 18, 2013

Lost in the City

I think we're lost.
No. We are in front of the projects and it's Saturday night Sean muttered, staring at the sea of young black men lounging in doorways and on the street corner.
I can't believe you did this you and your GPS--
Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop
The people were running now. The world was scattering and Sean pushed Lorens head down below the dash as his heart jumped.
Keep your head down he shouted.
The automatic weapon fire continued as Sean jammed the car in reverse  and smashed into the car behind him. The crash shook his skull. All the cars were trying to break out of the line. He tried to get the shift into first but everything was in slow motion.
Why are they shooting at us!
Keep your fucking head down!
Sean fought with the gear shift. The easiest task seemed impossible. He saw splinters of cement jumping up on the sidewalk. They were firing out of the high rise.  The world had vanished and time had slowed to a crawl. No one was on the street. It was like a war movie where someone shouted incoming and everyone jumped into foxholes.
Get us out of here Loren screamed.
I'm fucking trying, he shouted back, jamming the car finally into gear.
Sean floored it and they went through three red lights before they finally stopped. The man behind him pulled up and they met in the back of his car. 
Are you alright the man asked him.
Yes Sean said shakily. You?
I'm fine he said looking at his Mercades that was trashed.
Sean looked at him.
I'll give you my insurance number.
The man shook his head and looked him in the eye.
Forget about it. We're alive.
He got back in his car and drove off. Sean got back in and Loren stared at him
What did he say?
He said we were alive and not to worry about it.
Loren stared out the window.


Saturday, March 16, 2013

Text Divorce

Hey like what up?
Nothing what up with you?
I'm like so bored.
Me too.
You going to McDonalds?
Maybe...if I can get a ride.
Me too.
My parents are fighting.
Mine are getting divorce.
Dads leaving.
NO says he's going to live in an apartment.
Yeah. He had sex with some lady from his office and they sent pictures of their junk to each other.
That's what mom said.
You going to the Bieber concert?
My dads taking me.
So...what time McDonalds?
See you there.


Friday, March 15, 2013

Foreclosure Squatters

Jenny had been in her home for three years for free, but she thought the judge might kick her out now. The lawyer for the bank stood next to her.
Your honor we are asking for a judgement of foreclosure.
The judge looked down then at Jenny.
How do you reply to this Mrs. Simmons.
I have not seen a deed judge. No one can tell me who owns my home.
The lawyer scoffed.
Your  honor my client the bank owns her mortgage.
Jenny turned to the big man in the loud suit.
You have not proved that.
The lawyer sputtered.
This has been going on three years your honor!
Young lady. How do you respond?
I am waiting for a deed your honor.
He turned to the lawyer.
Can you produce the deed?"
Not right now your honor...apparently it is missing but this doesn't change the fact she has been squatting in a home that should have been foreclosed upon years ago your honor!
The judge nodded.
Alright. We will continue this for another six months so you can produce a deed.
Jenny walked out and felt much better.
Anything could happen in six months.

Rocket Man...the upside down American Dream

Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Bakery

Pete got a hernia from lifting the route books and so they hired me.
What tha fuck you doing with all them books jack?
Alonzo shook his head.
You aint going to do anything with all those books. You need a job jack.
And then he went out with the rest of the Italians. The loaves went around the bakery all night and fell off with a plop plop sound. The whole place smelled like a warm kitchen. But I was too busy with the night orders. Then Big John came in with Tony.
What in the hell. You still reading. You never going to work are you?
Then they went out and yelled and cussed and came back with more flour on their cheeks. They smoked like crazy and argued in Italian and then went back out. The bread orders died down and then Big John came in with the new guy who put his head down on the shipping table.
You drunk again you stupid motha fucka. I get you a job and you repay me by getting drunk.
The new guy kept his head down on the table. Big John shook his head.
I don't care that you are my brother in law. You make me look bad.
The new guy kept his head down.
Even when Mr. Gonnali the owner came in and fired him.
The new guy just kept sleeping on the table. I finished up my shift and put my books in my backpack and road home with hot bread in my jacket. My wife and I had the hot bread before she went to her job while I wrote all day.

Rocket Man...the American Dream upside down

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Good Samaritian

Roland looked up and saw the young man running.
He stole my purse! The old woman screamed.
Roland took off running after the speeding shaved head.  The young man looked back. He was maybe fifteen.
You better back off.
Roland shook his head, running in his Florsheim's and suit with his briefcase.
Nothing doing he shouted back.
They were running down an alley now. A man looked up at the running boy and then at Roland.
Call the cops Roland shouted.
The man just stared at him and shrugged. Roland was starting to breathe hard.  He had played football. Run track. He jogged. But he had just had a donut and coffee and felt weighed down his briefcase.
You better back off mother fucker the robber said to him again.
No way, he shouted but this time it came out: NO...WAY.
Now they were running down another alley and he was closing the gap. He could see he had on basketball shoes. Nikes. A hoody. He was holding  the purse like a football tucked under his arm. He turned his head, his eyes white.
I'm warning you motherfucker.
Give...up...the...purse. Roland gasped.
He could almost grab his shoulder now. The young man suddenly stopped and turned and pulled out a silver handgun. Roland stopped short his hands going  up.
I fuck you up you keep running he said breathing hard, nostrils flaring, eyes black.
Roland stared at him. The robber put the gun back in his hoody and took off down the alley at a light jog
Roland watched him disappear.  He turned and walked back and saw the old woman.
Did you catch him young man?
No. He shook his head, still breathing jerkily, walking past.
But what about my purse?
Fuck it, he called back, staring straight ahead like a solider. 

Rocket Man...the road less traveled is harder than you think

Monday, March 11, 2013

Eat What You Kill

Gina had written a novel about trolls. She wrote lots of novels about trolls in her bedroom.  No one wanted them. She self published one and went to the Borders to see if they might put it in the store. She walked in and was very nervous and saw a very slim girl with literary glasses. She looked like an author to Gina. Or someone who would work at the New Yorker. She took a deep breath and walked up to the desk.
Hello...I was wondering if the manager was in.
The girl was putting away books and looked harried.
I'm a manager. What can I help you with?
Gina swallowed.
Well. I wrote this book on trolls. Actually I wrote a lot of them and I was wondering if you might put this one in your store on consignment.
The bookstore woman sniffed and looked at her book.
Let me see it.
Gina handed her the book.
You published this yourself?
Gina nodded.
The woman flipped the book over and tipped up her glasses.
We don't sell self published novels. Or POD novels. And I would certainly get a different cover if I were you. That one is pretty cheesy.
She handed the book back to Gina and returned to stacking books. Gina walked out of the store with her face very red. She felt like she wanted to hide. She went home and stayed in her room and didn't come out for two days. She felt like the whole world was laughing at her. She stayed depressed for a month then uploaded her books onto the Kindle site at Amazon. She offered all five of the troll novels for .99 cents a piece.
 Six months later she made a million dollars from her sales of trolls novels. She told the New York Times  she wasn't going to move out of her room in her parents house.
 Borders filed for bankruptcy and vanished before the year was out.


Saturday, March 9, 2013

Moving On

Jeff had not become a lifer yet. The writing group had a lot of lifers who came there to socialize. Robert was one of them. They sat through Roberts fiction and never commented. There was a conspiracy to never tell Robert how bad his fiction was. Then Jeff got a book contract and the group changed. He no longer felt the need to read. He no longer felt a part of the group. He had violated one of the unsaid rules by getting published.
Robert had just finished reading and Pee Wee the old writer asked for comments. Everyone started lying and saying they liked the color green. Or they liked how he described a sunset. Pee Wee was about to move on to the next writer when Jeff spoke.
We are lying to Robert.
Pee Wee looked at him.
I'm sorry.
We have been lying to Robert for two years.
The whole group stared at him. Pee Wee was gay and very diminutive.
And you are going to tell the truth now?
Jeff shrugged. Better than lying to him.
Robert had a funny expression.
Pee Wee crossed his legs and leaned forward like a therapist.
And what is the truth Jeff?
I think Robert should know his fiction sucks. It's always sucked.
The group glared at Jeff. He had just violated another rule. Pee Wee gathered himself up in gay hauteur.
You have no right to say that. No one appointed you the judge of what is good and what is bad.
Robert was smiling again.
I happen to like Roberts fiction! And I think it has shown marked improvement.
Pee Wee touched Roberts leg and winked.
So who is going to read next?
Jeff sat there not listening for the next hour.
He left and never returned.
Rocket Man...the Catcher in the Rye for the suburbs

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Kid Fame

G always thought it would be kind of cool to be in a movie. Then he was. He popped out of a ladies stomach as the devil kid.
He's got the look the agent said to his mom.
G thought that was pretty funny. He had no idea what the look was. But they kept asking him for more pictures for the magazine and then they wanted him for the commercials. And now the movie. The look was carrying him far.
So he went to the movie when it came to town. He sat with his mom and dad in the suburban theatre. G was kind of bored. He really didn't understand the movie. Something about devils and church. Filming was a bore. Waiting around. Lunch was cool and not going to school was cool. So then the film ended and all these girls surrounded him.
Can you sign my hand?
Can you sign my arm?
Can you sing my butt?
His mother glared at the girl. G thought some of them were a lot older than nine. Then it just ended. They left the theatre and went to McDonalds and then he played X Box until his mom made him go to bed.  G made a million bucks before he turned ten.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Starbucks Guts

We got to get rid of that monkee in the White House!
Jerry looked up from his computer and stared at the man in the Starbucks.
He's ruining the country! He should go back to the jungle with his wife and kids!
Jerry  stared at the man then looked at other people pecking away.He watched the man sit down at at table and take off his scarf.
He's the worst President we ever had! He wasnt even born here! He's not even our President!
Jerry  felt his heart. It was time to say something. The other people wernt even looking up. Enough is enough!
He's Hilter! A Socialist Hitler!
Jerry shut his eyes. Now was the time to do it. How dare you insult our President like that you racist bastard! That would shut him down.
I hope somebody shoots him! I really do.
Jerry felt shock in his soul. Wasnt that against the law? Somebody should call the Secret Service.He would tell this old asshole where to get off. He studied the man with the small grey mustache and pointy nose. A real moron. Ok. Right Now. Say it! Shut him down!
Hes taking honest peoples money and gives it to the welfare queens!
Jerry stood up. His heart thumped.  He began to cross the Starbucks when the man suddenly stood up and left. Jerry felt cheated. He watched him stand outside and look up and down the steet. Jerry saw that he had left his scarf on the table. He grabbed the scarf and went outside.
The man was just outside the door. Jerry felt like his body was on fire. Now he would say what he really thought!
Yeah he said clutching a cigar.
Jerry opened his mouth.
Hey you got my scarf...thanks he said takign the scarf.
The man walked down the street. Jerry stared after him and felt really cold. 
Rocket Man...Scouting gone bad

Monday, March 4, 2013

I phone Sex

Brittany  and Jim had not had sex for months. The kids. The job. The food. The kids. The job. The food. It went around in an endless circle and by the end they were exhausted and passed out in front of  Downton Abbey or the The Good Wife. didn't really matter what show they were passed out front of because they didn't see it. So they set a night to meet in the bedroom and they lay in the bed with the movie on and the candle flickering.
Why don't you turn off your phone Jim said.
I can't one of the kids might need something.
Brittany snatched it up and put on her glasses. She laughed.
It's just Diane.
Jim laid in the bed in his skivvies. He really wanted to have sex but he was worried about the job. They had just put him on a PIP (performance improvement program) and he wondered if they might fire him. His phone dinged.
Yeah Frank.
We are having trouble with that file.
Does Henry know?
Yeah. They have complained to him.
Alright...let me see what I can do in the morning.
He put the phone on the bedside table. Brittany was staring at him. The candle flickered. Their wine waited.
Ok... Jim said.
They stared at each other. Bzzzz. Brittany reached over in her negligee.
It's Janey...she needs to be picked up in an hour
That's cool. That gives us time.
Brittany texted back.
She put the phone down and they stared at each other. Nobody felt sexy. 
How about we just send naked photos to each other? Jim suggested.
 Brittany stared at him with the phone in her glasses.
Are you serious?
Yeah. Why not? Look. I'm busy. You're busy. This whole meeting in the bed thing isn't practical and frankly its kind of a waste of time. I say lets e-commerce it and get rid of this brick and mortar shit. I'll send you a provocative naked photo of myself and you send me one of yourself and then we just get ourselves off. We can even take after sex photos of us know smoking a cigarette or something.
Brittany shrugged.
Sounds good to me. It will save a lot of time.
You bet.
So the next day they each sent their photos and when Jim came home from the office they kissed.
How was it?
Great Brittany purred.
How about you?
Outstanding!  Best sex I ever had.
They stared at each other.
You hungry? Brittany asked.
You know I always work up an appetite after sex.
I'll order a pizza.
Rocket Man...the Catcher in the Rye for the Great Recession


Friday, March 1, 2013

Downwardly Mobile

Todd had been living in his parents apartment in Chicago ever since graduating from the University of Iowa that put him a cool hundred and twenty G under water. He sent out resumes to everyone in the world a Communications major could think of. Most of the time he got nothing back.  Sometimes he got back a form letter. And it had been a year. And now it was the second year. His dad gave him a hundred dollar bill before he left for work.
Go out and have some fun.
He had been pretty depressed. College educated. Bright. Ambitious. No job. No job. No job. He partied hard because there was nothing else. And with the hundred bucks he headed for Rush Street to meet up with some friends. The drunk fest was typical with no women really interested in the twenty five year old who lived with his parents. The Great Recession was chugging along and sometimes Todd wondered if he would ever leave his parents apartment.
And now he was walking to find a cab. Two AM. Drunk. Just munched. Hot dog. Fries. Shake. Ride home to bed. But he was horny. It had been like a year. looking for some.
Todd turned and saw a black woman looking up and down the street like a cop. She had on tight sparkly pants and heels. Todd shrugged.
What are you thinking?
I give you a blow job for five dollars.
Todd stared at the waiting cabs down the street. What the hell.
The woman motioned him into the alley. Todd looked both ways and nonchalantly strolled into the alley.
Give me the five bucks.
Todd fished out his wallet. The older woman took the five bucks and looked up and down the alley.
Alright...drop your pants.
Todd pulled his pants down and and felt the November air on his ass. The woman went below him and he tried to get into it. But her mouth felt dry and kind of used up. It was like a dry sock. He saw a man stare into the alley and felt really weird. She was doing something below him  but he couldn't see because of her head.
Hey...that's cool. I'm good he said.
She stood up and nodded.
Alright...And then she looked both ways and walked out of the alley. Todd buckled his pants and caught a cab home. He felt pretty  disgusted with himself. A new low getting a blow job from a hooker in an alley. He resolved to stop his slide toward downward mobility right then.
The cab pulled over and he realized the hooker had stolen his wallet.
Rocket Man...the novel of suburban hell